Give mindfully to improve relationships

We all like to be appreciated, of course. We feel the love more, though, when we feel seen for who we uniquely are.

For example, inviting a client to a decadent steak dinner sounds like a good way to show you value him — unless he’s vegan. Your vegan client will feel vastly more appreciated if you invite him to an outstanding veggie-abundant restaurant instead.

The strength of relationships between you and your clients is what sets you apart from the competition, be it robo-advisors or the advisor down the street. By making people feel cherished, you enhance your relationships, which can lead to a more successful business.

That’s what John Ruhlin did, and it contributed to his success. He went from a farm boy with no money to a top salesperson for a direct-order knife company by giving, which to him means investing in relationships, including clients, referral partners and centers of influence. He later founded a business specializing in teaching service firms how to be memorable and highly referable. He has turned this penchant for finding the right gift for the right person at the right time into a strategy he calls “giftology.”

Ruhlin, author of the book Giftology: The Art and Science of Using Gifts to Cut Through the Noise, Increase Referrals, and Strengthen Client Retention, shared at the 2018 Top of the Table Annual Meeting the key components of his giftology program.

Personalization. Use the person’s name on the item, or their spouse’s or children’s names. “It completely changes how it’s perceived,” he said.

Inner circle. “Eighty percent of our budget goes to buying a gift for an executive’s support people, their spouse, kids and pets. I’ve closed deals because it was the guy’s wife or his assistant who has his ear. A key component is to remember the people around the decision-maker,” Ruhlin said.

Timing. If you gift when it’s expected, for instance after a referral or around the holidays, it’s just a transaction. Send out a gift “just because,” Ruhlin said. “I want them to be completely surprised and delighted. If I do the same playbook as everyone else, it just becomes noise.”

Most vs. least. Take an area where people go really cheap and go all out. Think about what is the most you can do, rather than the least you can do.

What they really want. The gift is about the recipient, what they prefer and what they would want.

“Be intentional and focused,” Ruhlin said. “Do this with the right heartset and mindset.”

Ask what people want

Julianne Dahrooge, a four-year MDRT member from Worcester, Massachusetts, asks clients about the charities they value and why. From their answers, she learns a lot about what’s dear to them and often hears some of the formative stories of their life. In addition, she can donate to that cherished charity for their birthday.

With employees, it can be as simple as asking what they’d specifically like for a bonus if they do a good job. The best gift you could give them might be an extra day off instead of cash, but you won’t know unless you ask.

“Anybody can be great at giving great gifts,” Ruhlin said. “It’s about being intentional. It’s about being focused. It’s about having a system and a strategy.” Ruhlin believes investing in relationships is always worth it. “Love on people,” he said, and those relationships will thrive.

• Read more about giftology (Top of the Table members only)
• Try these gift-giving ideas with “12 ideas to impress.”