Understanding that grieving clients have complicated feelings toward money they receive

It is important to recognize that your clients may struggle to reconcile their feelings regarding the money they will receive after a death claim. Some, said David Kessler, a globally recognized grief counselor who has been praised by no less than Mother Teresa, may be conflicted or even unhappy about it.

“Maybe they and their husband were very frugal and hoped in their retirement they could go to Hawaii but were saving for that $5,000 trip,” he said. “And now you have a widow with $100,000 who says, ‘I could do all those things we wanted to do, but I don’t have him.’” Advisors can play an important part in helping clients find meaning behind how they use this money, Kessler added, whether for personal use, funding a scholarship or giving to charity. In any case, it’s important for them to know their spouse wouldn’t want the money to bring them unhappiness.

That’s why it is so crucial to keep in mind the same principle that’s applied to clients in any situation but may be neglected when dealing with something as painful as death: You work with each of your clients as individuals. Just as no two people have the exact same goals and feelings about their financial situation, no two people grieve alike either.

“Our grief is as individual as our fingerprint,” Kessler said. “Even in the same family, the griefs are not the same because you had a different relationship with dad than your brother did.”

Read more about how to talk with clients who have experienced a loss in the May/June Round the Table cover story “Mourning lessons”

Written by Matt Pais, MDRT Content Specialist