Working with widows

It’s true that 80 percent of husbands die married, but 80 percent of women die single! That’s right, we outlive the guys.

Yes, 70 percent of all married women will experience widowhood at least once during their lifetime. If they remarry later, some of those women will be widowed again. The winner that I’ve met is a woman in her 90s who attended one of my workshops for widows, wives and friends. She had been married four times and buried all of them. She told me, “I just love the guys so much, but I’m not getting married again!” If I were a guy, I’d be leery about starting a relationship with her.

Here’s another 70 percent statistic especially relevant for you: 70 percent of widows fire the couple’s advisor after their spouse dies. Why do you think that is? Well, it might be like Anne, who came to my office shortly after the death of her spouse.

Mostly our advisor just focused on Ralph. After he died, that advisor called to say I needed to sign some paperwork at his office. Well, when I got there, he started talking about how great I should feel because I was beating the market. He pulled out some fancy investment reports and graphs that didn’t make sense to me — never did before either.

I didn’t care if I was beating the market or not. I just wanted to know if I was going to be OK. Did I have enough money? Could I still live in our house? Did I have to go back to work? Could I continue helping my granddaughter with college costs? Could I still give money to my congregation?

I felt so confused about all this money stuff, and I started crying in that advisor’s office. But then he told me not to worry my pretty little head because he would take care of everything for me.

That didn’t sit well with me. It didn’t feel right to work with him. So, I got up and left. I didn’t sign his papers either because I didn’t know what was in them. And you know what? That advisor never even said Ralph’s name. He just called him my ‘deceased spouse.’

His assistant called the next day to schedule another meeting, but I said I had a hair appointment and was busy. And then my friend told me how much you helped when her husband died. That’s why I called. So, Kathleen, am I going to be OK financially?

When a widow leaves her advisor, her money also leaves. But guess what? That other advisor’s problem can be your golden opportunity! Imagine the possibilities for your firm to reach out and assist these underserved widows in transition. They need and want your help. Will you be the advisor fired or the one hired?

Kathleen M. Rehl, Ph.D., CFP, is passionate about inspiring her “widowed sisters” in transition and their advisors. As an “encore career” enthusiast today, she’s an advocate for widows — following a successful 17-year-path as a certified financial planner. Hear more in the February episode of MDRT Presents: