If you are under pressure in a situation where you feel like you’re sinking or going somewhere you don’t want to go, try a strategy I call SOS.
Stop
The first “S” is “stop,” which is that pause, that disconnect from the trigger. It’s not an avoidance strategy; it’s to step away so that you can do something to get yourself into a place where you can step back in more skillfully.
If you’re alone and are triggered, change your body posture — and do not fire off that email. If you’re sitting, stand and stretch. If you’re standing, move to help your brain interrupt the pattern you’re in. If you have time, walk away or do something that gives you some sense of calm. Then when you come back, you’ll be out of the fight-or-flight mode.
If you’re in front of people and you can feel your fingers curl out of stress, open your palms. If you are sitting, you can rest them on your lap. Also, take a drink of water, or take a minute to write something down or pause and count down to yourself by threes or sevens.
The idea is to use at least a six-second pause, which is the amount of time between when your amygdala, your emotional system, senses the trigger and your neocortex catches up. You can delay in any situation for six seconds.
Oxygenate
Whether you pause for six seconds or six days, during that time you’ll want to oxygenate (the “O”). You want to bring extra oxygen into your bloodstream because that minimizes the effect of the chemicals the amygdala has released.
The next time you get that email, or you are worried about the client, just stop and take a deep breath. You will be amazed at how much of your better self you’ll get back. You’ll start to be able to think more clearly. So often we make most of our jump to judgment decisions on less than 5% of available information. Often, we lack the information we need to make a good decision.
Seek
Once you’ve paused, you’ve got a little working memory back. Now, you can seek information. That’s the third letter, the second “S,” or “seek.” The information we want to start with seeking is for ourselves, for our amygdala. In other words, am I amplifying the negative? Am I making this bigger than it needs to be? Are there assumptions I’m making that may not be true?
A lot of times, we are experiencing other people’s triggers, and we tend to assume it’s about us when it isn’t.
Bill Benjamin is a former technology executive. He’s now a leadership and culture expert and contributor to the book “Performing Under Pressure.” This was excerpted from the 2022 Top of the Table Annual Meeting presentation “How to perform under pressure: Deeper dive.” (MDRT member-exclusive content) MDRT members also can watch his video “Using a pause to better perform under pressure.”
To make better decisions
- Read “Staying calm under pressure: Mindfulness for tough talks”
- Watch “3 blocks to being your best self — and finding the courage to overcome them” (MDRT member-exclusive content)
