Providing advice should be relatively simple. The client comes in to see their financial advisor, they give them advice and the client implements it. That’s a good system. And it’s even better if they tell their friends about it and their friends come to us.
Sometimes it doesn’t work that way. What happens instead is the client comes in, we give them advice, but they don’t do anything with it. That can be frustrating, and I certainly have experience with this.
Case study: The client spending too much money
Rose was a longtime client. One Friday afternoon, as I was packing up for the weekend, she called, saying, “I need $25,000 from my portfolio.”
Normally, it’s not an issue. It’s her money. But this wasn’t the first call like this. Over weeks and months, the withdrawals were adding up, and they weren’t sustainable. She would run out of money.
In a meeting, I told Rose this. She agreed and thanked me, telling me how grateful she was for my advice.
Two days later, she called again — and took more money.
That’s the moment every advisor recognizes and thinks We just talked about this. Why are they doing this?
The story behind her money habits
Rose wasn’t ignoring me, and her behavior didn’t come from carelessness. It came from a history of not having money for most of her life. She grew up poor. Then as an adult, she lived paycheck to paycheck until her husband died tragically on the job and she inherited $6 million. Her finances changed dramatically, but her financial script never did.
As her money story of being stuck in survival mode, Rose would ask herself, What do I need? What do I want? Do I have the money?
With millions in the bank, the answers based on her script always felt like “yes”:
- A $1 million house? Yes.
- A $100,000 car? Yes.
- A condo for her daughter? Yes.
- Loans to old acquaintances? Yes.
Why logical advice wasn’t enough
On paper, Rose understood everything I told her. Emotionally, she was torn. This is common — and it’s called ambivalence.
Ambivalence means wanting two conflicting things at the same time:
- “I want to follow your advice.”
- “I don’t want to change how I do things.”
This is further complicated when an advisor is talking to their client about changing behavior patterns, and the client becomes emotionally flooded. And now we’re not talking to the planning part of their brain. Instead, we’re talking to fear.
That’s why repeating warnings, charts and projections didn’t work for Rose. I was using extrinsic motivation (logic, consequences, data). Lasting change, though, comes from intrinsic motivation, which is when clients convince themselves.
How to help clients like Rose
The goal isn’t to give more advice — it’s to move clients toward action at their pace.
Here’s what works.
1. Listen more than you fix
When clients resist, our instinct is to explain harder. That usually backfires.
Instead
- Reflect what you hear
- Check for understanding
- Help clients feel heard before trying to move them
Sometimes that is as simple as, “It sounds like part of you knows this matters, and part of you isn’t ready yet.”
2. Expect “Yeah, but …”
“Yeah, but …” statements are a sign of ambivalence, not defiance. Treat them as information, not opposition.
3. Use scaling questions to unlock motivation
Try asking:
- “On a scale of 1 to10, how important is this change to you?”
- “How ready do you feel to do it?”
- “How confident are you that you could make this change?”
Then ask the most important follow‑up question, “Why did you rate it like that?” In their own words, clients will tell you their reasons.
4. Support autonomy when resistance is high
Sometimes the most powerful move is stepping back, saying, “This must be your decision. I’ll support you either way.” Paradoxically, when clients feel permission not to change, they often become more open to it.
The takeaway
Rose didn’t need more reminders. She needed to feel understood.
When advisors help clients articulate their own reasons for change — and respect where they are in the process — implementation becomes far more likely.
And when clients move from resistance to action, they don’t just follow advice. They become the kind of clients worth replicating.
Derek Hagen is a financial life planner and writer who combines financial planning, financial therapy, behavioral finance and mindfulness. This was excerpted from his 2024 MDRT Annual Meeting presentation, “From resistance to action: Working with clients who don’t implement your advice.”
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