How to influence people

Don’t they know they’re doing it all wrong? You’ve got so much to offer to colleagues or with clients. Yet it seems like people are not listening to your ideas. What’s wrong with them?

Whether you’re wrong or right no one knows, because they’re not listening to you anymore. As they say, “It’s all in the presentation.” People stopped hearing what you say as soon as you utter the words: “You’re wrong,” said author and 2017 Top of the Table Annual Meeting speaker Garrison Wynn, CSP.

Telling someone “You’re wrong” without trying to see things from their point of view first often causes people to feel like they’re not valued, and then they shut down. “The No. 1 thing that all humans value is feeling valuable,” Wynn said. “And that’s not a feel-good story or a theory. That is the cumulative result of 70 years of Gallup surveys in 46 countries and 27 languages as well as multiple surveys.”

“If you make people feel valuable, they’ll value you and what you have to offer. It gives you influence and buy-in. It reduces stress and allows you to focus on clarity,” Wynn said. 

Successful people move through change at work and influence people in the best possible way by making others feel valued, Wynn said.

Why don’t people choose what’s best?

What about if you’re proposing a phenomenal plan that benefits them? No, your listeners may still not buy it. People don’t choose what’s best. They choose what they’re comfortable with, Wynn said.

People struggle with change. If you’d like people to consider your point of view, consider theirs as well. Explain to them how what you’re proposing is, in fact, similar to something they’re already doing or are familiar with.

Everybody knows something we don’t, and there is more than one way to do things. Therefore, Wynn said, when a colleague or client says something that you may not agree with, try saying instead, “I’ve not heard that before, but I’m willing to listen.” Successful people request more information, and that builds trust.

Building trust

Trust is built when people believe you care about them and you can do your job. People believe that about you when they feel listened to, especially within the first 30 seconds of an encounter, Wynn said.

The odds are that you’re not listening as well as you think you do, though. About 75 percent of people don’t listen well, Wynn said.

So hit the stop button if you catch yourself about to say some version of “You’re wrong,” and instead ask for more information — and then listen.


Hear more from Wynn in “Change is mandatory, stress is optional.” (Top of the Table and Court of the Table members only) 

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